Posted by: Betty | April 3, 2010

Good Friday… In Divorce Court

The last few weeks have been busy. Lots of photo jobs lots of photo editing.

Friday, I spent most of the day, not in church observing Good Friday, but with my daughter, in divorce Court. An end i guess , but more a beginning and time of joy and freedom.Mom – 1-6-2001 “Celebrating”

Katie and mom — me

The Bride’s maids and flower girls..

Who can regret a union that created such a beautiful little girl. My pride, my joy .. my red head. I don’t.. not really.. how could I.

I went with Katie for support and thought while sitting there listening to the judge…  I’d march right up to the judge and TELL him why she left the state.. FOR SUPPORT.. TO SURVIVE. TO GIVE HER GRAND DAUGHTER a LIFE in a family environment. It wasn’t easy sitting back, keeping my mouth shut when the judge asked why my daughter had moved out of state with “the child”.. Moved from CA to AZ.. Uh because her parents lived there?  NOT speaking up is a weakness of mine.

I managed to keep my mouth shut and not rush up to the front of the courthouse to hold Katie and protect my little girl from the judge..  Who really wasn’t so bad.

He finally decided he had the authority to 1. grant the divorce and 2. grant full custody to Katie, giving her ex husband “reasonable” visitation.. No splitting summers or Christmases. Since my daughter’s ex husband never responded to the divorce paperwork, I couldn’t see any other ending.  Child Support has been put off again – Katie needs to go to Riverside county in CA to apply for that.. BAD NEWS FOR THE EX.. Riverside County in CA is THE place to have in charge of going after dead beat dads..

So, Yesterday was the official end of a very hard, sad period of time for my oldest daughter. We went to Makayo’s Mexican restaurant, she and I. and I heard , some of it for the first time. The pain, his cruelty over the years and the depths of her anger at him for what she’d allowed him to put her through those years… How she didn’t want her family to know what went on..at home almost from the beginning.  On her honeymoon, his rage that she needed to wear size 9 pants..was only the beginning. I kept myself from “leaving, tracking him down and kicking the sh*t out of him.. or trying to”.  And celebrated with her the end of a time of sadness.. Grateful that it happened at all.. because without that time, there would be no sabby.

I guess I’ve learned that even in sadness, can come joy.

Katie and her Sabby

So while, I guess I don’t understand all of life’s mysteries. I do know, we cannot regret all of our choices. Sabby is the result of those years my daughter spent in her own private hell. Sabby saved my daughter, and when she was three, wiped tears from her mommy’s eyes and with that, Katie , my child of hope, finally gave up her hope to “fix things that were unfixable and got out… for sabby  She rescued Sabby from a life with that man.  Verbal, mental and emotional abuse can be every bit as devastating as physical abuse. I’m so proud of my Katie, her courage and her hope that tomorrow will be better.

So while Good Friday in a courthouse, wasn’t what I’d planned, I learned yesterday that God works in our lives in so many strange ways. How lucky Katie was, to have made that terrible mistake (a wedding she almost cancelled, unknown to me) on January 6, 2001.  I can never NOT be glad she made that mistake. Especially since she made the decision to get out in time.

Some day I really need to write about all the people I met friday; their stories and their comments. It was quite a day. Some happy, some sad and some still in shock that the lives they’d had were over.  (I talk to strangers a lot in waiting rooms)

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.

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Responses

  1. Happy Easter Betty! So sorry you all had to go through all of this, but it sounds like Katie and Sabby have a new chance at happiness. Hooray for that! I talk to lots of people in waiting rooms also…you do learn so much, when you are a good listener.

  2. Wow, Betty, what a time your daughter must have gone through and of course, you did too, because when you kids hurt…well you know.

    So glad to read how it came out but it’s too bad she isn’t getting child support.

    HOpe you have a wonderful day with your family.

  3. Wow it’s got to be hard to hear everything your daughter had to endure in that time. But you’re right… your Granddaughter came from that. You’re a great Mom… I would wanna beat the sh** out of that man too!

  4. Oh Betty, I’m so sorry you and your daughter had to go through that. For her the long period of pain and secrecy must have been almost unbearable and I know, that to be told those stories after the event is also deeply painful for a mother.
    So glad for you both and for your lovely granddaughter that she’s free and clear with the one treasure to come out of the marriage.


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