Posted by: Betty | July 6, 2009

What makes us what we are today?

bettyNOT a scuz

1964 Dad was practicing with out a flash I think…. or is this Kathie?

I’ve been wondering for a few days now; what our souls bring with us from childhood to make us what/who we are today? What gives some of us the strength to move beyond abusive backgrounds NEVER to abuse their own kids or why do some of us have EVERY blessing  growing up,  and live badly, blaming everyone else for their woes.

I wasn’t abused; and was loved by my parents;  but I did grow up feeling pretty ugly and out of place.  This was more a sibling thing. In high school, one of my older brother’s friends told me I was the standard bearer of the family – there but not really needed. Now this guy really was an ass. Anyway, I believed that; embraced it even and foolishly cried myself to sleep that night. I remember once, being at a friends house and was truly amazed at how nice her big brother was to her.. That’s not how that works!?

After being out on my own for a few years, I learned I wasn’t so bad; Not really so ugly; my personality wasn’t so bad; I learned to laugh a lot  and laugh at myself before others could. That knack has come in handy now for almost 50 years. Damn.. 50 years? Don’t get me wrong – this is no sob post – no pity party post. I was also tremendously lucky as a kid; had wonderful parents and have many wonderful memories. I’m sure we all have some bad moments growing up. Mine pale in comparison to most others I think.

I’ve built a good life with Paul these last 31 years..So lucky to have found him and then grabbed him before he could get away! I’m happy.. yeah yeah my kids could live closer, but that’s MY bad. I have sisters and sisters in law whom I’m very close to. I have so many family members whom I love and laugh deeply with. My life is reason to celebrate.

I wonder sometimes though, what my soul brought to my fifties, from my childhood and teenage days. Do any of you ever wonder about or realize things about yourselves that come from childhood memories?; either good or bad? Or wonder how you can change things about yourself you KNOW came from your days as a child?

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog today.

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Responses

  1. First – that’s you in the picture. Second, I think we carry everthing from our childhood into our later years, Betty. Like the smell of frying meat at dinner time sweeps us back to Felbar walking home for dinner. Seeing that the turqouis chevy is NOT in the parking lot so you can go home now… Like a nice smell that makes us feel good, or seeing an unwelcome car in drive way that makes you nervous. You’ve decided, as an adult, not to be the child anymore and I think you’ve done a great job, Betty. You were a better Mother than you could’ve been, and a better sister than you should have been. And I’m really glad about that.

  2. I don’t know Kathie but I suspect she knows what she’s talking about and would also suspect she is totally right. But isn’t it funny how sometimes one not so happy memory overshadows many good ones. Lovely post Betty, one that makes us reflect and also react.

  3. Your soul may have been here more than once. If you believe in reincarnation it is not only possible but happened.

    I also think growing up we learn from things that happened. My mom and dad were divorced in the late 1930s and I was born in 1934. Mom and I were on our own. We were poor. Very poor. So my big “thought” of the day was to have a family and that my family would never be poor. And my kids are now in their 50s and were never poor. Got pretty much the things they wanted or needed.

    My mom beat on me a lot with whatever she had handy. She had a terrible temper. I got that from her and wasn’t a great father when it came to discipline. I whipped and used pretty much what I grabbed. These days I would have gone to jail, I guess.

    Anyway, you are right. Now, in my old age, I am as gentle as grandparents not on drugs on drunk, ought to be. I even play with dolls with my granddaughter.

    • Oh I hope not Abe. I’d hate to think that heaven, instead of being a wonderful place to be; with my family and friends, “at the end of a long day” would actually only be a brief stopping place and soon forgotten. But as so many believe in it; I concede to you the possibility.

  4. “I’ve been wondering for a few days now; what our souls bring with us from childhood to make us what/who we are today?”

    It’s called resilience, and my dear, you have it in spades.

    Have a great day!

  5. I wonder some of these things when I watch our grand daughter as she discovers the world around her and imitates things. They say we have no real memories until we are around 3. I think all of us get hurt by someone or many someones many times during our whole life and some things are just hard to forget and cling to us and are hard to shake off. I don’t think there is a human being alive that doesn’t have these experiences in their life. It sounds like you had a really good family and still do.

  6. That’s true wisdom to know what you’ve learnt and to have learnt how to enjoy and love other people without worrying about yourself.
    I still remember a day when I realised that some people actually liked me. It was a bit of a revelation!


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